Sunday, December 9, 2012

That’s What White Folks Do



When we moved to Vermont and started our collection of animals, my husband erected a fence that wasn't what I had in mind. For the entry way, he used an old door. I was so embarrassed. 

When one of the many folks who have come to offer technical assistance thought it was interesting and creative, I replied… it’s so ghetto. Ghetto is a term I never would have thought applied to me….  She told me living in mountains of Vermont, with animals, we weren't “ghetto”. We were now included in the “hick”category. I don’t know about stereotypes or the word “hick”. There are so many negative stereotypes about Blacks and other people of color. But I kind of liked that fact that we were being included instead of excluded. Something to ponder.

Regarding stereotypes: my husband has a new term: “That’s What White Folks Do”. He’s applied it to several things recently.

I was reading an article about water waste and was horrified by how much water we used just flushing the toilet. Depending on the size of the tank, it takes up to 7 gallons of water when you flush. While we are looking into water saving toilets, I had a thought on how we could conserve water.  Heard of the saying “When it’s yellow let it mellow, if it’s brown, flush it down?” Well I decided that I was going to flush ever 




other time it was yellow. I only do it in the upstairs bathroom, but my husband was horrified. Every time he goes in after I’ve been in there, I’ve heard him yell “that’s disgusting”. I don’t know why it bothers him. He pees in the front yard, off the deck, behind the garage. Anyway, when I explained my rationale, his response was “That’s what white folks do.” Doesn’t matter, I’m doing it now in protest of every disgusting thing he’s ever done! And there’s a lot.



We were offered an opportunity to acquire two male alpacas. Mark was in charge of getting the trailer to transport them from their old home to our new home. It was about 30 miles each way. We agreed to take them on a particular day. Well guess what, Mark didn’t take care of the trailer and wanted to postpone the transport. Postponing wasn’t an option. Since we don’t have a cover on our truck, I decided we could take out the seat in the back of my Jeep and transport them that way. I put down a tarp, and hay over the tarp and thought it was a perfect solution. I’d seen alpacas transported in the back of a Subaru, so why not? Again, my husband was horrified. We engaged in a minor verbal altercation before he yelled “that’s what white folks do.” I did it anyway. And you know what, it worked!



As an activity and fundraiser at the school where I teach, we hosted a Cow Plop. I asked one of the students about it. Basically, you plot out a grid on the ground (grass, concrete, asphalt, whatever) and everyone buys a square. Then you bring in a cow and if it “plops” in your square, you win money. I told my student “that’s disgusting”. She said it was disgusting. It was her cow they used. She said at first it wouldn’t go, then once it started going, it wouldn’t stop. When I told Mark about it he replied (all together now) “That’s what white folks do”.

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Soul Woman

My first day or two at my new school as a brand new teacher and one of the other teachers is trying to be helpful, I think.


She says to me: I don’t know if anybody has mentioned to you that there aren’t a lot of people of color at this school…

This IS Vermont, right? So of course there aren’t a lot of people of color in this small town at this small school in Central Vermont. This school is 1/3 the size of the school where I student taught and worked as a paraprofessional last year. There were only a handful of us at that school. So I kind of figured this school would be even less diverse – if there is such a thing.

Then, I saw the school was seeking a girls’ middle school basketball couch. I inquired of the Athletic Director as to the time commitment and responsibilities of the position. I swear he was salivating – a Black woman inquiring about basketball. He couldn’t get out fast enough a date for a quick interview. It reminded me of a silly movie 20 years ago entitled Soul Man. Some guy dyes himself Black so he could get accepted into Harvard Law School under a Blacks only scholarship. When he goes to participate in a pick-up game of basketball, the two teams literally fight over who will get him. And he is a terrible basketball player. It was one in a string of hilarious stereotypes gone wrong.

I don’t got game. I know nothing of basketball. But since it’s a small school I thought it was a wonderful way to get involved, build relationships, have fun, and become more physically active. I planned to work on basic fundamentals. After a couple of days of snickering when I passed him in the halls, I finally confessed to the athletic director. He still wanted to meet with me. I believe his thinking is that an inexperienced woman might be a little better than a male parent for girl’s basketball. I had my first interview which went very sell. Second interview this week.  We shall see…



If I do take the position, when and if offered, I may just have to be concerned about parents and fans.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Mo Don't Wear No Flip Flops


Those were Mark’s words when I sent him a picture of flip flops Mo could wear in the house instead of his shoes.  Although I didn’t think they were his style, I thought he might like the fact that they were a name brand. 


I had offered to get him slippers or slip-ons, but TJ Maxx didn’t have them.  I knew whatever I found would need to be trendy in “gear”, Mo is very particular.  He told me he’d wear some Air Jordans – I didn’t even know they made Air Jordan slippers.  I’m going to have to look on eBay. Mo is always concerned with how he’s dressed. This is the guy who wore a jersey and matching sneakers to our engagement party.  Maybe he’s never been to an engagement party before, but a jersey and sneakers?

Mo is one of Mark’s best friends from Connecticut and has been staying with us for a month now. He originally planned to stay 3 or 4 days, but decided he might move here if he could find employment. I already told him, I want the room he is in rented in August – by him or student from the local college. Apparently he needs a change of pace. He’s been here several times previously, but apparently the timing is right for him now to possibly make a move. I get the feeling he’s trying to avoid one of his baby mamas… 

We live on a farm and no matter what we do to contain our animals, they are always getting loose. So we have pig shit, dog shit, cat shit, alpaca shit, chicken shit, goat shit, and sheep shit all over the place.  I try and warn people that we take our shoes off in the mudroom upon entering the house so we don’t track shit everywhere.  Mo has had some trouble heeding that warning, hence me offering to get him some house shoes.

Anyway, it will be interesting to see how well Mo fits in here. The mall in Burlington can’t really rival the malls in Connecticut or even Western Mass.  This is what he's wearing today.  His jean are apparently the same brand...

He already asked me where to find a "good place" to buy clothes and sneakers. “Not Walmart, but Black people’s clothes”.  Come on Mo, you know this is Vermont. I suggested TJ Maxx or Marshalls in Burlington.  Mark keeps telling him he’s a farmer now and seems to think he’s going to find himself a white girl and move into a trailer. Whenever Mark says that, Mo just shakes his head and chuckles.

“I know these dude's ballin, and yeah that's nice
And they gon' keep callin' and tryin'
But you stay right, girl
But when you get on, he leave yo' ass for a white girl
Get down girl, go 'head get down”